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Title: Major Baiting...
Part One
Pairing: Sheppard/Lorne
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Not mine. Although it's pretty hard to copyright characters...
Summary: Sheppard's thoughts as he tries to bed Major Lorne...

Note: This started out as a stream of consciousness exercise and just took off so the grammar's pretty wrong...I mainly just wrote it for myself but if anyone else wants to read, cool :)


Major Baiting


I didn’t use my office much for paperwork as I did for hanging out. Tossing a tennis ball with McKay, having a yarn with Teyla, winding up Beckett. In fact that was why I picked out the room with the couch and the big city view window. I figured Elizabeth wouldn’t need it anyway. The arrangement was great – I mean, when I did have to do paperwork it was sometimes hard to maintain focus with everybody treating it as a rec room but...I kinda liked that about it.

And when things got a bit more organised, when we knew what we were dealing with in Atlantis and all that – when we got new staff and a bigger military contingent. That’s when I got Major Lorne as my 2IC. He got to share my office – which isn’t unusual in the military. I just shrugged as they brought in another desk and put it near the wall perpendicular to mine. It didn’t stop me playing catch with Rodney.

Rodney and Teyla both being there, I could tell, did bother Major Lorne. He hadn’t said too much, kept to himself a bit. Just kept trying to fill out his forms, hunched over his desk. I watched him occasionally, sitting on the coffee table opposite Teyla as Rodney wheedled on about Zelenka to Teyla’s chagrin.

I grinned as she reprimanded him again, him getting high pitched and defensive, Major Lorne rolling his lips in in frustration.

“How’s it going, Major?” He looked at me startled,

“Fine, Sir.” And then he was back to it. Teyla was looking at me now.

“We should go, Rodney,” she said pointedly,

“What, why?” Rodney, oblivious, looked at her.

“I’ve probably got paperwork to be signing,” I agreed after a pause. “I’ll see you two at dinner.” I smiled back at them as Teyla ushered Rodney out. Lorne was still making his way through his review of living quarter security. Every now and again he moved a sheet of paper from one pile to the other. I sighed, glancing out over the city...it was warm and I really wasn’t in the mood for doing anything...and Lorne’s paper turning was kind of relaxing. Until it stopped.

I glanced over at him and he hurriedly glanced back down at his pen. I stood suddenly and moved around to his side of the desk, taking a seat on the filing cabinet in the corner.

“Getting through it, Lorne?”

“Yes, Sir,” he turned in his chair to face me. Hands folded comfortably across his lap. I watched them for a moment, wondering whether he’d think I was staring at his crotch. I smiled to myself as I looked out the window again. I really was in the wrong sort of mood to do anything rational like paperwork.

“Sir?” He asked pointedly. I glanced back at him. His eyebrows were up a bit. He sounded testy,

“Lorne?” I tossed him a smile. He smelled of something. It took a few moments to realise it was hair product...and maybe, something else...sweeter and...my nose wrinkled, of course; the sweet and sour pork. Teyla, Ford, Rodney – actually most of the military had worked out not to eat in the mess when they were serving anything like Chinese food; lingered like anything on clothes. Now that I’d recognised it, he just smelt like food. It made me kinda hungry.

“It bother you, them being here?” I asked, realising I’d been staring at him for a few moments.

“No.” He lied, a smile gracing his humble little expression.

“You don’t have to lie to me, Lorne,” I watched him steadily. He glanced at the ground, looked up at me with a smile and said,

“Really, Sir,” It was so calculated. I smiled back. Everything from looking down to the forced lightness in his eyes. Major Lorne had clearly built his career on making his superiors like him.

I could smell the sweet and sour again, confusing it for body odour...maybe there was that too...god it was distracting. He was waiting for me to let him get back to his paper work, but the faint food-body-odour-hair wax smell just kept me trying to nose out the individual notes and work out which one was bothering me the most.

I jumped down and leaned over his chair, inhaling at his collar. His instant freeze as I sniffed him made me smile,

“God you stink, Major,”

“What?” I pulled back to see him start to flush. He tried to sniff at himself,

“Like lunch, Lorne.” He looked puzzled and then his own nose wrinkled.

“Doesn’t everyone?” there was the edge of testiness again,

“Well...all the nubes,”

His response was a mask of politeness but the slightly sardonic, ‘sorry sir,’ and the way he spread his legs wider let me know he didn’t think much of my assessment.

I smiled down at him and the hand that was on his thigh moved up to his hip. It could have been casual. A casual move that incidentally pulled his pants tighter across his crotch. It could have been, and I would have taken it to be if one of the Majors I used to work with at McMurdo hadn’t done the same thing with a very non-casual intention.  

Lorne was good looking. I doubted he was gay; doubted he was even bi. Still, it wasn’t that uncommon in the airforce – maybe this was how he pleased his superiors...

“Play any sports, Lorne?”


I moved over to my desk, taking a seat as he answered.

“I used to play baseball.” he was looking pretty oblivious; he probably thought it was a genuine question. “They managed to rope me into football every now and again,”

“So you played for both teams?” I asked him. His eyebrow actually lowered and as he went back to his paperwork his smile was anything but oblivious.

“You could say that, Sir,”

He left a few minutes later and came back in twenty, his hair wet. I laughed to myself as he took his seat.

“I didn’t mean for you to go and shower, Lorne,” he looked at me from under his lashes again, offering a smile.

“Hopefully I’m more up to your standards now, Colonel.”

“I’ll let you know.”



McKay came to get me half an hour later for dinner.

“You gonna come, Lorne?” I asked, Rodney hovering at the door in anticipation. He caught my eye, smiled imperceptibly, knowing it wasn’t an invitation to dinner and said,

“Later, hopefully.” I closed my eyes, swallowed, then turned and left with McKay.

“What are you grinning about?” Rodney asked,

“Nothing, Rodney,” I couldn’t help it, all the way to the mess. I wondered vaguely if I had General O’Neill to thank for sending me an officer who just happened to be receptive to the barest of hints. Alright so they were fucking obvious hints. It couldn’t be a coincidence. Ford hadn’t followed – even laughing like he thought I was making a joke when I murmured that ‘any hole was a goal’. OK so it might have been callous but either the guy was being really cautious up till then or he just wasn’t interested.

Markholm had picked up on it. Had showed interest but nothing more than a smatter of flirting had happened. No one else had really been my style. And it wasn’t like I was desperate for sex. I mean, there were plenty of females offworld whose customs made it all too easy to. Not that we were supposed to, but I knew Rodney had so, and no one was going to find out about that...



I wondered if Lorne would be in his room tonight. I wondered if I could hear him jerking off from two floors up. No one else had been assigned to my floor yet. Partly because I was in charge of assigning rooms.

The first thing I noticed was that the lights were off. I waved them on, confused because I never turned them off, alert because that’s how you’re supposed to be when things aren’t how they should be and then, stunned...shocked because that ballsy little bastard must really know how to make his superiors like him.

The doors closed and locked behind me.

“You’ve got the gene.” I smiled at the bed.

“I’m not yet sure whether to tell you I thought these were my quarters, Sir,” he murmured. I smiled. Ballsy...or stupid.

“You didn’t realise when none of the stuff in it looked familiar?” I pulled off my shirt,

“The lights were off, Sir,” he was smiling at me, his forearm resting on his knee, rising above the white sheets which covered the rest of him.

“And you like to lie naked, in your bed, with the lights off...”

“Nothing better, Sir.” he smiled faintly. I smirked at him.

“You’re safe, Lorne.” I moved over to the bed, half kneeling on it as I looked down at him, “that was one audacious move,”

“Well...you were pretty obvious, Sir.”

“You can call me Sheppard in the bedroom,” I began to draw the sheet down his body, noticing how he stilled all of a sudden and his eyes moved to my hand. “So you think I was obvious?”

He looked up at me again, head resting on one of his muscular arms. His voice was drawly and smooth as he quoted me, “Do you play any sports, Lorne?”

I almost laughed. His smirk was cute and I leaned down to kiss it, pulling away before he tried to respond.

I started to move the sheet down again but I heard his breath hitch as he held it, body tense again.

“Sure about this, Lorne?”

He nodded, but he looked so nervous. I raised an eyebrow, dimmed the lights so I could barely see him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“So why are you so tense?” I murmured. He just looked at me, “Did someone put you up to this?” It wouldn’t be my idea of a turn on to find out that O’Neill or someone had practically ordered him to do this.

“No,” he sounded like he was telling the truth, “I just...it’s not often I risk my career to get off,” his words came out quickly, stumbling into each other.

“I told you,” I rolled down onto his other side, my fingers sliding the sheet down to his belly button, “You’re safe...you read my subtle suggestions with stunning accuracy.” He softened a bit as he smiled, “I am used to risking my career to get off,”

“Yes, Sir,”

“You done this before, Lorne?” I began to trace my fingertips down his torso, back up it and, up his neck, gradually increasing the pressure, almost stroking him like you would a cat...

“Yes,” he was watching me now, eyes dark as I watched him, my head propped on my hand, slowly drawing the sheet lower.

“Anything you don’t want to do?” He swallowed, hesitating, and then,

“No, Sir,” I filed it away; must tread carefully with Lorne.

It was a few more moments stroking before I shifted my head closer, paused my ministrations and slowly, so slowly moved in to kiss him. His breath came out shakily against my cheek, warm and nervous and I smiled as I pulled back,

“Ok?” he nodded as he kissed me this time and I decided to go with it, hoping to ease him up a bit. I hadn’t realised his arm had moved under me but suddenly his hand was at my back and I moved closer to him, shifting a leg over his to settle my knee in the space between his legs...strong legs. I liked that. I could still smell that sweet scent... sickly sweet...was it BO? No...I realised as I moved my hand up his warm neck and into his hair... hair wax...I pulled back a bit. He was breathing quick...his eyes opened slowly, waiting,

“There’s a no hair gel policy on Atlantis.”

“No there’s not,”

“Yes.” I nodded, “it makes your hair feel...not like hair.”

He smiled that pleasant ‘please like me’ smile,

“I don’t care.” Why was that sardonic tone such a turn off?

I swallowed. Rolling onto my back next to him.

“Fine, I’ll see you tomorrow, Lorne.”

He looked at me, propping himself up to stare at me. I didn’t look at him until he said,

“You can’t be serious.”

“Your quarters are two floors down, Major, don’t worry about it, we all get confused from time to time.” I gave him an equally sweet smile as his eyebrows drew together. His eyes hardened and he turned away, leaning to pick up his pants. He pulled them on under the sheet, ignoring me as he stood to pull on his shirt.

God he was pissed. I smiled; the poor thing looked like he was about to kick something. He didn’t say a thing as he left...tried to leave...swiped his hand across the panel but...hey it was my quarters and I hadn’t dismissed him yet.

He turned back around, eyes downcast and furious,

“Sir?” he said, his tone low and cold,

“Dismissed, Major,” It was hard to keep the laughter out of my voice as I made use of the sardonic-y little tone he liked so much. He turned, swiped his hand in a short furious movement and stormed out. I was sure he would kick something on the way to his room.

And then I realised, that despite having got rid of that awful wax smell and the Major’s barely concealed attitude problem, I was alone.

I sighed. An hour ago I was almost assured of getting laid regularly. I’d probably gone and made him hate me. I shrugged mentally; everyone else liked me fine. Lorne would warm up. The hair wax really was annoying. And he could get snidey all he wanted to his own team, but I was in charge of him and that should have counted for something.

So maybe it was over the top. I palmed my cock through my pants. OK so I was regretting it a little bit. I exhaled, laboriously. Major Evan Lorne, naked and waiting in my bed; way to look a gift-General in the mouth.



I didn’t see him the next day. Well, I saw him in the mess at dinner time but I ignored him, laughing with Teyla and Heightmeyer as we grabbed a table. I sat next to Lieutenant Vaughan, clapping a lingering hand on his friendly shoulder in what I knew would be in Lorne’s perfect view. I thought about making the eye contact I knew could happen but I thought it best to be bigger than that. Besides, I hadn’t worked out exactly what to do with Lorne.

Rodney and I were playing catch with a tennis ball when he walked into our office the next day.

“Major, Lorne,” I greeted with a wide smile. His hair looked stiff with that awful wax but the smell seemed to be a proximity thing.

“Morning, Sir, Doctor McKay,” he took a seat as Rodney issued the next objective,

“One handed, one eye closed,”

“Too easy,”

Catch with Rodney always deteriorated; either Elizabeth would walk in and look at us or Rodney would throw a little too hard and I would retaliate and one of us would get bruised and usually it was him and then he’d go to the infirmary.

This time it was me. I may have got him in the balls by accident and I don’t think I even did. As he was doubled over I apologised and offered him a free shot. Of course he straightened up straight away. I held my arms wide and looked away so he wouldn’t break my nose and caught sight of Major Lorne, smiling faintly.

I grunted in pain as Rodney’s shot caught me in the nipple.


“Hey I could have aimed lower,”

“For all I know, you were,” I grimaced. It stung.

“Rodney, don’t you have work to do?” Elizabeth had sauntered across to the office, arms folded, eyes light like she was amused. I don’t know who she was trying to kid, she was always amused by us. Rodney left after a bit of grumbling and Elizabeth handed me a folder,

“Requires your autograph, John.” I had pulled up my shirt and was checking to see if my nipple was OK. She turned around about to leave but I’d seen the laugh that was about to hit her.

“Does it look bruised to you?” Major Lorne didn’t even look up,

“No, Sir,”

“All ready for tomorrow?”

“Sir?” He looked up this time.

“You know, first time off world in the Pegasus galaxy,”

“All ready, Sir.”

“You gonna keep this up, Major?”

“Yes, Sir,”




The next I saw of him he was waiting in the board room to tell me about a dead wraith.

No hair product this time. I wondered if it was an off world thing or whether he just wanted to get into my good books.

When we got back from the mission, no Ford but one Ronon, he took my P-90 to put back in the armoury and I told him,

“By the way, Major, your hair looks nice today,” His mouth shut instantly and I smiled. Temper, temper.


“You’re working late, Sir,” he said as he stepped into our office later. I glanced him over, his hair held in slick rein by that sweet smelling wax.

“Ronon’s forms.” I explained, “I wanted to get them started just in case...you know. Actually,” I looked at him and he waited, “would you mind finishing them off for me? I’ve got a tonne of...showering to do.”

I could tell he didn’t want to do it.

“Yes, Sir,” he looked tired. “Just put it on the top of the pile,” he gestured to his own in-tray.

I moved over to where he was standing, a hand moving to his hip as I moved around him, pressed against him as I deposited the forms in his tray. He closed his eyes.

“Thanks, Major,” I smiled at him, squeezing before I let go and walked away. If he were about to crack, I knew it would be after a mission that didn’t go so great. I heard him taking a deep breath as I left, but that was all of it.


I don’t know what I was waiting for, or what I was really expecting. But the idea of fucking Lorne had somehow taken place in my mind as something that was going to happen. I just didn’t know how to make that happen. I wasn’t going to back down. His hair felt yuck and smelled funny with that shit in it. And now it had become about something more. Then I got the idea: I could make it an order, could memo all of the military personnel about hair products. I mean it was dangerous in a city of scientists and experiments. There was usually one fire a week because of something short circuiting, even if it wasn’t ever a real problem.

And you never did know when you’d all of a sudden have to go off world and the smell of wax might attract...bees. I decided to run it past Elizabeth.

“John, do you really think you should be lecturing your people about hair regulations?”

“My hair isn’t dangerous, Elizabeth,” She had smiled eventually,

“You make a good point; I suppose it should be a city wide rule, not just military.”

“Exactly what I was thinking. Let me distribute the memo for you.”



I took great pleasure in jumping up on the Major’s filing cabinet, waiting for him to put his pen down and turn to look at me.

I was staring at his crotch again, realising I had no idea what his cock looked like yet, when he cleared his throat,

“What are you doing, Sir?”

“Planning.” I smiled at him. He swallowed, his eyes locked on mine until, I held out the piece of paper. He took it, glanced at it, rolled his eyes and turned back to his desk.

“I told you it was a rule. It’s dangerous.” I nudged his chair with my foot. He finished signing something with a flourish, stood up and turned to me. He was practically standing between my legs. Then his lips twisted up.

“Don’t worry Sir,” his hand was treading dangerous territory up my right thigh, “From now on I intend to play by all the rules while I’m in Atlantis,” he gave my thigh a consolatory squeeze, turned and practically strutted out the door.

Oh how I should have seen that one coming.



At least Ronon was a new addition to my merry band of office-distractions. With him and McKay to play catch with there was a whole host of new challenges to add.

It wasn’t like I was trying to provoke Lorne or anything. If he happened to snap...well...actually I didn’t know what good that would do, but he hadn’t yet. He just rolled his lips in when things got too loud, or rubbed his forehead or put his hands over his ears or gave me this look, but he hadn’t once said anything about it.

And just when he was in between missions, when I knew he had a stack of paper work to fill out, I ordered him to come to the mainland with me.

“What?” he’d looked up,

“Didn’t I tell you? We’re throwing a birthday party for all the Athosian children.” I smiled at him, “I’m sure I told you you’d be helping out with that?”

“No, Sir you didn’t.”

“Oh. Well, no harm. You know now.”

“Colonel, I really have to get this done-,”

“-this is important Lorne,” I knew damn well it wasn’t and he knew that too but...well it wasn’t like I was deliberately trying to goad him.

He sat beside me in the jumper, ignoring me except for direct questions, pretending to be concentrating on flying.

“You like piñatas, Lorne?”

“No, Sir.”

“What about pin the tail on the donkey.”

“No, Sir.”

“You’re a bit of a fun sucker,” I muttered at him. And his tongue came out to wet his lips before he glanced at me and said,

“Something like that, Sir,” with this tiny smirk and I froze. It wasn’t even that much of an innuendo and I knew exactly what he was trying to do but it was still working. My mind flashed back to lying against him, kissing him; his nervous breath shaking as it left him, warm against my ear as I kissed down his neck.

“I think this day will be good for you, Lorne,” I stood and moved behind him and put my hands on his shoulders, he’d frozen as soon as I moved. “You can relax,” I leaned down, close to him under the pretence of bringing up a ground map. My other hand moved to his neck, kneading tiny knots at the base. It was just a turn of my head and I was murmuring right against his ear. “You’re always so tense whenever I see you.” That nervous, shaky exhale I’d come to adore was matched with a clenched jaw, eyes fixed straight ahead and fingers tight against the controls.

It was such a shame I knew he was putting it on.



It actually was a relaxing day. Teyla, Cadman, Beckett and their team of helpers had done most of the setting up. Lorne and I just got to blow up a few more balloons,

“Well, Lorne, shall we get blowing?” he’d smirked around his half inflated balloon but that’s it.

And then we got to set up and help run the games. Of course we had to play a few of them. Pass the parcel took forever with about thirty kids, but bull rush was fantastic. Lorne managed to get around me twice, taunting me the whole time before on the third go I tackled him good and he eventually let me help him up, his momentum pressing him that little bit too close against me for all of a moment. He’d smirked as he turned away.

Then some odd Scottish version of musical chairs where you could offer a save by letting someone sit on your lap. I knew Lorne was being nice letting the little kid beat him to the chair, so I was nice in offering him my lap. He’d glanced down at me as I tugged him down, eventually sitting uncomfortably on my thigh as the other kids who were losing looked for a friend to be nice to them. That game took forever! But I did tell Lorne I was sitting that round out, and he agreed. So we sat there, him settling back into my lap, me leaning forward so I was pressed against him, my chin hooked over his shoulder,

“I want to play bull rush again, this is boring.”

“I’m sitting in your lap, how is that boring? You only want to play again so you can touch me,”

“I’m touching you right now, Major.” he turned his head so we were about an inch apart. My hand was sneaking up the side of his shirt when he stood – pulled me off the chair and some kid stole it in the next rush of scrambling. Lorne got a chair but I wasn’t so lucky.

I just looked at him and he’d smiled dead ahead. I got the message.

Then we set up the bonfire while the kids played go home stay home before the evening meal – fairy bread and pizza and those little red sausages and cake.

“Not hungry, Lorne?”

“Too much sugar for me, Sir,” he’d patted his non-existant stomach as he sat down in between me and Beckett whose mouth was full of fairy bread. I offered Lorne a bite of my pizza. He took a bite and handed it back. The kids who were closest to us noticed Lorne had sat down and started to wave at him. He smiled and waved back.

“So,” I looked around at the children sitting around the fire in little groups, “successful day, Doc?”

“Aye,” Beckett had grinned, “this was a great idea,”

“I’m so glad you thought of it.” I handed Lorne the rest of the pizza to finish.

“So what’s the plan from here?” Lorne asked. He was smiling a little; looked tired but relaxed.

You...get to sit here and get to know the Athosian children, while the rest of us pack up.”

“It’s mostly done, Colonel,” Cadman took a seat on my other side. “We were about to head back with the leftover food. I figured McKay would want to eat it.”

“Yeah actually, he hasn’t been eating lately, that’s bound to cheer him up,”

“I’ll give you a hand loading it.” Carson jumped up to help. I smirked at Lorne...of course Beckett would want to help Cadman with anything.

“Is he...?”

“Trying to get into her? Yeah, it’s mutual apparently. Oh and by the way,” I moved my head closer glancing around surreptitiously; he leaned in, eyes ahead, “I’d totally help you unload.” He fixed me with a look and then glanced away, the firelight revealing the start of an unmistakeable smile.



“So,” I was flying back this time, “Whatever happened to the Lorne who crawled into my bed naked to wait for me? He was hot,”

“You didn’t like his hair,” Lorne looked at me, puzzled. I paused,

“I like it now,” I glanced at him, wide eyed, aiming at innocent.

“But he doesn’t like you now,” Lorne gave me a sympathetic smile. I rolled my eyes and didn’t say anything out loud all the way back.


I’d decided to check in with Elizabeth and when I left her office twenty minutes later, I noticed Lorne was inside ours.

“Go to bed, Lorne,” he looked up startled.

“I can’t-,”

“-you go off world tomorrow morning, this can wait.”

“With all due respect, Colonel, it needs to be sent with the databurst in four days.”

“I’ll finish it for you if you don’t get back. In time.” he just looked at me, “I promise, go to bed.”

He intoned a yessir as he stood. He made to move past me, but he paused, looked at me from a step away and asked,

Your bed, Sir?” I closed my eyes and heard this little whine come from my throat.

“I thought you didn’t like me, Lorne,”

“I don’t have to like you, Sir,” he smiled, testy again for some reason. “I just have to be ready to go at 0800.”

I knew that he knew that I wouldn’t let him lead a team knowing that I’d kept him up all night. He smiled...evilly.

“You’re so unfair, Lorne,”

“I guess I could understand if you didn’t want me to be in any potential danger tomorrow...you know, like with the hair.” I rubbed a hand across my eyes,

“Go to sleep, Lorne,”

“Yes, Sir,” I could hear the smile in his voice the little shit. I decided to make sure Rodney had eaten something then go and jerk off.

Part Two : http://lorsamajor.livejournal.com/948.html#cutid1


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I could watch these two dance around eachother forever.. loved it.. *gins* hope you write more...

There's something so satisfying about them just not quite getting it sorted isn't there? I've written a bit more so I'll work on getting that up to posting standard. Thanks for the comment :)

Oh this is soooo goooood! It is Evan to a 't'.

But he doesn’t like you now... I love it!

Thanks for sharing. :)

Hehee...that was one of my favourite lines to write. Thanks for commenting :)

&hearts You have no idea how much I needed to read something like this today, sweet, sexy & funny. I think you got their voices so perfect, it's Lorne all over. I just adored it. And Sheppard cock-blocking himself but unable to help himself lol. And all over hair wax! More please, soon?

Thank you for helping me feel better :)


I'm so glad it helped you feel better. Definitely going to work on getting some more posted. Thanks for commenting Nate :)

This has been one of the best, that I read, in a long time!
Lorne is gorgeous & Sheppard is so weird, love it!
More plese....

P.S.: Need to Mem this!

Thanks so much for your kind feedback, I just posted part 2

My pleasure. :)

And thank you for the heads up!

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